Youth and Military Physical Examination
When I was seven, the school doctor referred me to an ophthalmologist, and I was prescribed glasses. Over the years, little attention was paid to my eyes. I was just a little “clumsy” when playing sports and riding my bike. Later on, I had to concentrate extra hard to do my job well, and I was constantly afraid of overlooking things. So when I went for my military physical, I was convinced I’d be rejected. The distance eye test didn’t go well at all. “Stand a little closer,” they said. Yeah, once I was practically right on top of it, I could see it. So I passed.
After my military service, I started working at De Zonnebloem, and after a few years, I began having problems with my eyes. At my wife Liesbeth’s insistence, I went to see an ophthalmologist. A simple eye pressure test followed. “Between 24 and 28—that’s much too high,” said the ophthalmologist. It turned out I had glaucoma. Further examination revealed that it was hereditary.
Laser Treatment and Eye Drops
I underwent laser treatments. They failed twice, and afterward my vision was even worse. I remember that something went wrong with the machine. The ophthalmologist in question always denied this, and I never did anything about it. For years, I used eye drops without any results and suffered greatly from the side effects. At some point, I stopped using them. As it turned out later, that was a fatal mistake.
After a few years, at Liesbeth’s urging, I visited Radboud Hospital in Nijmegen. They had a lot of expertise there, and I was examined by several ophthalmologists. They suggested what’s known as a Baerveldt procedure, in which a drainage tube in the eye socket would reduce intraocular pressure. Initially, the results were indeed good, but afterward, the pressure slowly began to rise again. I have to admit that I was rather naive. My thinking was, “If there’s no pain, then I don’t need to see a doctor.” That is, until May 2012.
I had the feeling that there was a speck in my eye. My busy work schedule prevented me from seeing an eye doctor. Over the course of the summer, I noticed that my vision was slowly getting worse.
Operating on Autopilot
“I need to do something about this,” I thought… but I didn’t actually do anything. I had an independent role and worked with a different group of volunteers every week. I fell down the stairs a few times. I could brush it off with a joke. I was operating entirely on autopilot. In September 2013, however, I made a big mistake… Since I could no longer tell at a glance whether all the tables were set properly, I had checked them one by one to make sure everything was in the right place. I was convinced that the wine glasses were positioned two centimeters to the right above the knife. However, there was someone at the table who was left-handed… I had already poured several glasses, and when I got to this left-handed guest, I was convinced that the glass was in the right place on the right side. I poured the wine right there on the table. I felt like I was sinking into the ground. For me, that was the moment to go talk to my employer.
Angry and sad
An appointment with the occupational health physician followed. Although an occupational health assessment concluded that I could still work—with accommodations—my employer wouldn’t hear of it. Angry, but above all sad, I came home. In April 2013, the light in my right eye went out in a matter of seconds. It was as if someone had blown out a candle. The ophthalmologist was rather blunt but very clear. One glance was enough for him: the eye is blind, and it won’t recover. Still, I underwent surgery. After a week, however, the eye’s condition was so poor that it had to be removed. This was emotionally very difficult for me. It took almost half a year before I dared to look in the mirror again, and even with a nice ocular prosthesis, I didn’t want to see myself. In the meantime, I received computer lessons and mobility training through the Bartiméus Foundation.
Panic and Tears
May 2014. I was walking in downtown Arnhem. Suddenly, the lights went out on my left, too. There I was. I had a white cane at home, but at the time I was still too proud to take it with me outside. “Can someone help me?” I called out. At first, no one responded at all. I even heard someone say, “Just keep walking; that guy’s drunk.” By then, I was in a panic, and the tears started flowing. A man asked what was wrong and took me home. There I was… now completely blind. Through Bartiméus, I ended up at Koninklijke Visio and was invited to participate in a one-week rehabilitation trial.
Rehabilitation in 26 Weeks
During the trial week, they assessed what I needed to be able to function reasonably well in daily life again. Initially, the rehabilitation was supposed to last 26 weeks. It ended up taking 48 weeks. For the intensive rehabilitation, I had to stay at Visio het Loo Erf in Apeldoorn five days a week. This was intense. Now that I was with several other people who were blind or visually impaired, it really hit home that I was blind. At first, I also struggled to understand the situation. Besides me, there were only two other people who were completely blind. It wasn’t until later that I came to understand that being visually impaired can also be very difficult. I kept telling the psychologist, “I want my old life back.”
Flip the Switch—Learn a New Way of Life
It was Liesbeth who made me realize that there are still plenty of beautiful things in life, and that I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to learn how to live a whole new life. The grief hit me hard. After six weeks of rehab, I was on the verge of quitting. Nothing was going right; I constantly lost my way when I had to walk to another class and ended up getting lost. When I was found, we had a good talk. During that conversation, something clicked. From that day on, I started making more and more progress. My occupational therapy and computer skills suddenly improved significantly. I learned to cook again after having been a chef for 30 years. I felt a surge of warmth when I held a knife in my hands again. I was cutting vegetables so well that the occupational therapist was amazed—it looked so perfectly even. Mentally, too, I made progress little by little. What helped me tremendously was exercising every day. As my rehabilitation progressed, I felt better and better. Another thing that did me a world of good was the contact with volunteers from De Zonnebloem. I was known as the strict restaurant manager, and I had always shown a lot of respect for my hardworking staff. Some of them visited me during my rehabilitation. When the management wanted to visit me once, I canceled the visit because I found it too emotional to show myself to them wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.
Preparing for the Outside World
At the end of my rehabilitation, I was prepared for the world outside Visio Het Loo Erf. I soon discovered that it was a whole different story. Even though I had been deemed unfit for work, I didn’t want to just sit around. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities, but for people with visual impairments, the options were disappointing.
I’m now active with the Oogvereniging: I write reports, stay in touch with people who have recently become blind or visually impaired, and refer them to the appropriate organizations. I’ve also become the president of our apartment building’s homeowners’ association.
Energy from Daily Exercise
Exercising every day has become very important to me. I go running with a buddy and I go to the gym. The people there are very helpful. Together with Liesbeth, I go on lots of fun rides on the electric tandem. After my rehabilitation, when I asked a cycling club if I could join if I bought my own racing tandem—and if there were any riders who’d be willing to ride with me—I quickly received a positive response. One member mentioned that he owned a racing tandem: “Wait a bit before buying one yourself—that way you can see if you like it first.” Well, do I like it! This man is a very experienced rider, and we ride together at breakneck speed!
Since I post on Facebook every now and then, I was suddenly approached by a volunteer from De Zonnebloem. He mentioned me to a woman who, in addition to her visual impairment, was now also in a wheelchair. She told him that she found it difficult to use a computer. Then this volunteer said, “I’ll ask Jan about it. He’s blind and knows a lot about computers.” He added that I now get a lot of energy from exercising. She then mentioned that she had competed at a high level on a racing tandem for years. She still had the bike, intending to pass it on to a good home. Well, that home turned out to be me. Awesome!
This was my story
How am I doing these days? I still get sad from time to time, but overall I have a positive outlook on life. I get nice reactions from the people around me. That does me a world of good. During my time working at De Zonnebloem, I’ve seen so many serious disabilities and illnesses that it hasn’t made it any simpler for me—but it has made it easier—to accept that my life has changed dramatically. Although, especially at the beginning of the process, I felt abandoned by my employer, I now realize that this was mainly my own fault. De Zonnebloem will always have a place in my heart.
