Her brother Milan (8) was 2.5 months old when he was diagnosed with eye cancer. After years of hospital visits, we were able to save 30% of the vision in one eye. His other eye is now an artificial eye—or, as Milan so beautifully puts it, “his special eye.”
What my wife and I had to go through with Milan is a scar that will never fade. But he’s still alive, and we’re so grateful for that. It’s made him a hero. To go through something like that at such a young age—it really makes you see him in a whole new light. Every burst of laughter, every tear, every cheeky remark hits us 100 times harder. Simply because we’re so incredibly happy that he’s still here. We make up for every day he suffered with “the best day ever.”
Back to my daughter’s question. She’s certainly special. But thank God she’s also a healthy child. The decision to have a second child wasn’t an easy one for us. Could we handle it? What if she has it, too?
When Emma was born, we were a family. With her, a new chapter began, and we were fortunate enough to experience what it’s like to raise a child in a completely ordinary way. Everything you read in the “Oei, I’m Growing” booklet suddenly turned out to be true! My love for her has never wavered. It’s just different—less burdened. And yes, in some ways, her life so far has been less extraordinary. That’s why I understood her question so well.
She knows that Milan has gone through something special. It gets him attention. It gives him something she doesn’t have, no matter how much she feels for him. That stings. The fact that she’s “normal” is a blessing for us. But for her, it’s sometimes a burden. She takes steps in her little life that we don’t even think twice about. But when Milan took those same steps, he was showered with compliments.
That doesn’t mean she’s jealous, by the way. On the contrary. She’s incredibly helpful and understanding. Every time we’re in a new place, she takes Milan by the hand and helps him identify all the potential dangers—so that nothing happens to him.
So my answer to her question is simple: “Of course you’re special, sweetie. Just ask your brother.”
Jan Burger
