Everyone listened in and could hear a little noise from the refrigerator, the internet router, the air conditioner at a business across the street, and the fan in the restroom. I could hear all those sounds too, but they weren’t the source of “the hum” I was hearing.
While babysitting my granddaughter one evening at my daughter and son-in-law’s house, I heard the same humming sound. My son-in-law said, “That makes sense—the neighbors recently installed an air conditioner.” I didn’t think much of it at the time. Weeks later, I was staying in a small and, above all, very quiet village. Normally, I sleep poorly there because it’s so quiet. But this time, I woke up in the middle of the night to that deafening hum. I suddenly realized that the sound wasn’t coming from outside, but was inside my head, and I was in shock. It got even worse when I realized I was hearing the sound on the right side of my head. The same side where the tumor had been above my eye—and the side where my right eye had been removed… I got scared and thought, “It can’t be that…”
The cause of the humming noise
The next day, I went straight to my family doctor. My ears were blocked. Could that be the cause? After the flushing, I could hear outside sounds much better, but the buzzing was still there! A nagging little voice in my head said: “It’s not another tumor, is it…?” I didn’t let the voice finish and contacted the Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery Department at Radboud, where I’d been treated in 2015. My follow-up appointments had stopped in March 2021, but I was told I could always come in if anything came up. They kept their word, and I was thoroughly examined the very next day. The conclusion was that nothing was visible, but they said, “We can’t see inside your head, so we’re going to do an MRI scan.” A day later, I was lying in the MRI machine, and it brought back some not-so-pleasant memories from six years ago. That certainly didn’t help when I heard the DJs on Radio 2 asking for donations to the Dutch Cancer Society (KWF) through my headphones.
A day later, I got a call; unfortunately, the scan didn’t provide a clear image because of the metal (the implants) in my eye socket. It was better to do another CT scan. A few days later, I was lying in that machine with a different radio station playing! The images from this CT scan did provide a clearer picture, but they didn’t give a definitive answer. I could see the doctor struggling as he explained this to me. Given my medical history, the doctor really wanted to get to the bottom of the cause of my buzzing (officially called “tinnitus” or ringing in the ears). It was important to find a tumor as quickly as possible, if there was one.
Consult an ENT specialist
An ENT specialist with expertise in oncology and radiology was asked to review my case and offer his opinion. I underwent a hearing test, and my ears were examined. The ENT specialist took plenty of time to discuss the results with me. The hearing test revealed that there is “something” going on with my hearing on the right side. I can hear well—even better than average for my age—but the “hum” in my own head interferes with external sounds on the right side. That “something” is damage to the auditory nerve on the right side. That auditory nerve is clearly visible on the scan, and no tumor (tissue) is visible there. The conclusion is that the damage to the nerve is a result of the radiation treatments in 2015.
It’s not uncommon for those effects to only become apparent later on. I had a final consultation with my own doctor. He summed it all up: “The cause is almost certainly not a tumor, but a delayed effect of the radiation treatment. There’s nothing that can be done about it, and it’s unclear how things will progress. It’s just plain bad luck!” I was relieved, but the comment about “plain bad luck”—which I felt I’d already had more than enough of—made me sink into a deep sense of self-pity. I decided to just take my time with it, because stress does nothing to improve tinnitus.
Putting Stupid Bad Luck into Perspective
A friend called me and went on and on about where the buzzing sound was coming from. She was convinced it was a side effect of the COVID-19 vaccine. I ended the call and put on my walking shoes to go for a calming walk. Of course, I brought my monocular along. Seeing all the migratory birds made me so happy, and I was even happier when I heard and saw a group of my favorite little birds: the cheerful long-tailed tit, always busily chirping away! I was once again able to put my “stupid bad luck” into perspective and realized that I’d rather have bad luck every now and then than be suspicious all the time!
Anita Hol-Bubeck
