Have you been struggling with problems with your eye for years, leading to its removal—a process that caused you a great deal of stress and anxiety? Or did you lose your eye in an accident? Everyone’s experience is different, and everyone reacts differently. Some people panic and don’t know what to do. Others try to move on with life as quickly as possible. It’s important that you understand and acknowledge your entire story. It’s okay to feel the loss. It’s not just a passing moment—it remains a part of your life.
Grief can sometimes take a long time. Sometimes it never completely goes away. That’s okay. You don’t always have to “fix” it. You don’t have to go to therapy if you don’t need to. A good friend, a coworker, or the people around you can also provide a lot of support.
Working Toward Recovery
Ideas about grief look at it from two perspectives: the loss and what gives you energy again. Both perspectives are important. Grieving isn’t just about being sad or crying. It’s also about reflecting on: How do I move forward from here? How do I shape my life with only one eye? How do I cope with setbacks? You have to reinvent yourself, so to speak. We sometimes forget that working toward recovery is also part of the grieving process.
People grieve in different ways. This can make it difficult to come to terms with loss and to understand one another. Below, we explain two ways of grieving: the intuitive and the instrumental styles of grieving.
Intuitive or loss-focused style
People with an intuitive grieving style are primarily focused on their feelings. They like to talk about their grief and show their emotions. They often go through longer periods during which they feel very sad. At first, they mainly feel the pain of the loss. Only later do they realize that they also need to take care of others or make arrangements. What people with this grieving style can learn from the other style is that it’s sometimes better to look for solutions as well. That way, you’re less focused on your feelings and more on what needs to be done.
Instrumental or restorative style
People with a instrumental grief style They tend to think things through in their heads and try to understand their grief rationally. When grieving, they often take a practical and solution-oriented approach. They want to take care of everything properly and ensure that life goes on. They don’t readily talk about their feelings and usually feel less of a need to do so. If they do show their grief, they prefer to do so alone or in a familiar setting.
These people sometimes experience brief moments of sadness or confusion. They may also feel powerless. For example, when their partner is still very sad, while they are doing their best to move on. What they can learn from the other style of grieving is that it’s okay to take time for their own feelings as well. Sadness is valid, and it’s important to acknowledge it sometimes.
Want to read more?
On this page, Afke hasposted more information about grieving. This includes a blog by Rita Verduin, tips on how to cope with the loss of an eye, and references to books, a podcast, and websites.
