{"id":6213,"date":"2026-06-11T12:59:53","date_gmt":"2026-06-11T10:59:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/bibliotheek\/whats-the-best-way-to-support-my-partner\/"},"modified":"2026-09-09T17:08:58","modified_gmt":"2026-09-09T15:08:58","slug":"whats-the-best-way-to-support-my-partner","status":"publish","type":"library_pt","link":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/en\/library\/question-for-maaike\/whats-the-best-way-to-support-my-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"What&#8217;s the best way to support my partner?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-post-date\"><time datetime=\"2026-06-11T10:54:24.573Z\">11 June 2026<\/time><\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dear Maaike,<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My partner recently had an eye removed. Do you have any tips on how I can best support my partner as they adjust to seeing with one eye? <\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dear Q.,<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At the National Contact Day, I posed this question to our members and their loved ones, which led to the following tips.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Living Environment<\/h2>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Make sure there are no items lying around on the floor in your home or living environment that you could trip over.<\/li>\n<li>Check together to see if the house is still laid out in a practical way\u2014for example, make sure there aren&#8217;t any narrow paths between pieces of furniture, or low-hanging lights or plants that you might bump into.<\/li>\n<li>Make sure you have the right lighting so that any obstacles are clearly visible.<\/li>\n<li>Let family members and others in your immediate circle know what has happened and what the consequences are, so that they, too, can cope with the situation and have realistic expectations.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Traffic\/Positioning Yourself in Relation to Your Partner:<\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This led to conflicting advice, so discuss with your partner which option you prefer.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Walk or ride your bike on the side with limited visibility; that way, you&#8217;ll act as a sort of buffer against &#8220;danger&#8221; coming from your blind spot.<\/li>\n<li>Walk, sit, or ride your bike on the side where you can see, to avoid colliding with each other and to make better eye contact without your partner having to turn their neck all the way.<\/li>\n<li>Keep an eye on traffic in the \u201cblind spot\u201d and during difficult maneuvers<\/li>\n<li>Install accessories such as a mirror on the side of the bike where you can&#8217;t see\u2014this saves you from having to turn around and helps prevent potential wobbling.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Understanding and patience:<\/h2>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Encourage your partner to take on challenges: sometimes people are capable of more than they think. Let him or her give it a try and offer guidance instead of saying, \u201cYou\u2019d better not.\u201d For example, when it comes to sports.  <\/li>\n<li>Try not to be overprotective, but rather to offer understanding and support. Let your partner experience what it&#8217;s like to see with one eye on their own. <\/li>\n<li>Agree on how you can offer help, but also on how and when help should be requested. For example, agree on a signal so your partner can easily let you know they need help before they get angry, frustrated, or disappointed. <\/li>\n<li>Try to let your partner do as much as possible on their own. It\u2019s hard to be a caregiver (always having to keep an eye on things), but your partner can probably still do quite a lot on their own (eventually), so you don\u2019t need to overburden yourself. <\/li>\n<li>Be patient. Adjusting to the new situation takes time and involves \u201ctrial and error.\u201d <\/li>\n<li>Accept that things will go wrong. The brain needs time to adjust to the new situation. Even when you\u2019re tired, things might fall or get knocked over, etc. That\u2019s just part of it.   <\/li>\n<li>Before you criticize, consider whether a lack of depth perception is part of the problem or the reason a task failed. For example, when drilling perpendicular holes or aligning a bicycle tire. Things that used to be easy can become impossible or very difficult with only one eye.  <\/li>\n<li>Give your partner the space to express what they need\u2014for example, when sitting down at a table or on the couch. Ask your partner if they would appreciate being warned about steps, obstacles, or stairs. <\/li>\n<li>Keep communicating. Doubts, expectations, uncertainties, wishes\u2014discuss these things at a calm moment, before strong emotions have (yet) set in or once tempers have cooled. <\/li>\n<li>You can offer &#8220;unsolicited&#8221; help by warning your partner about things (you\u2019re driving very close to the curb, watch out for a cyclist coming from the right) or by stepping in (giving the pitcher or bottle a gentle nudge so it pours properly), but make sure to check whether your partner actually needs this or if it makes them feel insecure or frustrated.<\/li>\n<li>Trust that your partner can decide for themselves what they need to live comfortably (instead of taking over or worrying).<\/li>\n<li>Distinguish between your partner&#8217;s obstacles and your own. Don&#8217;t take on their problems, and ask for attention for yourself when necessary. (This is the case for many illnesses and problems.)  <\/li>\n<li>Your partner is still your partner\u2014just missing an eye. Nothing more, nothing less.   <\/li>\n<li>If your partner loses an eye due to cancer, there\u2019s also the fear of the disease progressing and\/or death. In that case, removing the eye may be a solution in the fight against cancer. Then your partner has two difficult things to deal with. Maybe even three, if someone is also having a very hard time coping with their changing appearance. Give everything the attention it deserves, and take time to process your own grief as well.    <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">There were also some tips for people whose partners have yet to undergo eye removal surgery:<\/h2>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>You could ask if you (or another loved one) can stay overnight at the hospital before and during the procedure so you can be close by to provide support.<\/li>\n<li>Go along to every appointment, or make sure someone else can go with you, because two heads are better than one, and afterward you can discuss with each other whether everything was understood correctly and what the implications or next steps are.<\/li>\n<li>Contact a peer through OOG in OOG to discuss how the process works, what will happen, and what to expect.<\/li>\n<li>If your partner is undergoing surgery, follow along and experience every step with them. That way, you\u2019ll get used to it\u2014and to your partner\u2019s changed appearance. That way, their face will become familiar and feel like a part of you.  <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Office staff member Maaike Oosterhof is the driving force behind the peer support program at the OOG in OOG Association. Her daughter, Macy, has anophthalmia and wears two ocular prostheses. Thanks to her many years of experience as a staff member at OOG in OOG, Maaike knows a great deal about living with one eye and ocular prostheses. For some of the questions she receives, she enlists the help of our board, other volunteers with personal experience, or ophthalmologists and ocularists. In this section, she answers questions that people ask by phone or via info@ver-ooginoog.nl    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":5373,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_daextauttol_enable_tooltips":""},"library_cat":[124],"class_list":["post-6213","library_pt","type-library_pt","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","library_cat-question-for-maaike"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/library_pt\/6213","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/library_pt"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/library_pt"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5373"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6213"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"library_cat","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ver-ooginoog.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/library_cat?post=6213"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}